Introduction: Exploring the Complexity of Failed Relationships
Many of us, in any phase of life, must have gone through a breakup. A failed relationship is always a hurtful and breaking experience for anyone who has been through it. Many of you must think that the failure of an intimate relationship, like marriage or love, is more traumatic than other relationships. I guess every failed relationship, whether it is romantic or non-romantic, like friendship or professional, can be equally hurtful. In the following paragraphs, let’s explore the complexities of a failed relationship and see what we can learn from our past experiences of failed relationships.
Lack of Communication: The Silent Killer in Relationships
“Ultimately the bond of all companionship, whether in marriage or friendship, is conversation”-Oscar Wilde
We all know that every relationship starts with a simple and formal ‘Hi’. Yes, a formal introductory conversation is the very beginning of any relationship. After that, the relationship grows on the basis of the frequency and nature of the conversation. The more the communication is informal and intimate, the stronger the bond will be. Communication is the bridge that connects two individuals.
Similarly, the breakdown of any relationship starts with a decline in the quality and quantity of communication. Little and formal communication is an indication that something wrong is going on in your relationship. It is a reflection of declining emotional intimacy. It may be possible that you were having frequent arguments that forced you to limit communication. But, I believe, arguing with your friend or partner is better than limiting communication. I am not suggesting that the argument is good. Frequent arguments are never good for a healthy relationship, but they at least give you a chance to keep your relationship alive.
The point here is that you shouldn’t stop communication, even if you are having frequent arguments. Lack of communication is the silent killer of the relationship as it will lead misunderstandings, resentment, and breakdowns.
Mismatched Expectations: When Partners Want Different Things
“When you stop expecting people to be perfect, you can like them for who they are.”-Donald Miller
‘Expectations’ is a tricky word when we talk about relationships. We all expect to be treated with respect, kindness, love, and affection in our relationships. At the same time, we have expectations as individuals too. We have certain expectations from life regarding our goals and desires. We expect that our relationship will help us get what we want individually. But sometimes, we may find ourselves wanting different things from our partner. At this point, problems in the relationship arise. A mismatch in expectations between the partners can lead to frustration and conflict.
Every individual has their own set of values, dreams, and aspirations. Therefore, it is natural to have incompatible goals and desires in a relationship. But the problem arises when one partner has to compromise with one’s happiness and needs which may lead to differences.
Managing expectations, therefore, is another important thing that we should address before it ruins our relationship. It requires empathy, understanding, and flexibility from both the partners involved. Relationships must ensure that both partners achieve whatever they want, both as individuals and as a couple. If necessary, both partners can re-evaluate individual goals and expectations to meet both partners’ needs. For a successful relationship, both partners must be willing to make sacrifices, or neither of them should have to. After all, respecting differences and fostering mutual growth are keys to a happy relationship.
Lack of Trust: The Foundation That Crumbles
“Trust is not an obsession, it’s an extension of love. When we truly love someone, we give them our heart to hold in their hands. And when that love is returned, that very trust is balm to our souls.”- Julie Lessman
We all know the importance of trust in any relationship, and therefore, I don’t want to write too much about that. But we all should realize that trust is that delicate wire that keeps two people attached. It is easy to break but hardest to fix. Once it breaks, it is almost impossible to fix it, and it requires dedication and sincere efforts to rebuild it.
It is often said that rebuilding trust takes effort from both sides. However, I do not agree with this. You never break your relationship over minor trust issues like lies about food habits or smoking. Here we are talking about some serious trust issues like infidelity, dishonesty, etc.
Firstly, we all should recognize that trust can never be broken. In any circumstance, trust cannot be broken. Being in a relationship means nothing to hide and everything to talk about. Yes, there are some limitations about things that you cannot share with your partner in certain types of relationships, like those between father and daughter or in a professional relationship. But in a romantic relationship, there is nothing to hide. Secondly, if your partner has broken your trust, it’s his or her responsibility to fix it. This should start with admitting the mistake and talking honestly about it with you. Thirdly, and most importantly, despite the sincere efforts of your partner, if you are not able to trust your partner again for any reason, it’s better to move on. You have every right to leave that person whom you cannot trust, which I think is the right thing to do. Otherwise, the relationship may become toxic in the long run, which will hurt you more.
Poor Conflict Resolution Skills: Escalating Small Issues into Big Problems
“Never let a problem to be solved become more important than a person to be loved.” -Leo F. Buscaglia
Conflict management is one of the lesser-discussed topics when we talk about love and relationships. For any relationship to work out, it is very important that the couple know how to handle conflicts. In any relationship, conflicts are bound to happen. Serious and committed relationships are not sugar dating. But as a couple, we should know how to handle it.
We must acknowledge the fact that a healthy conflict is a must for any relationship to last forever. But sometimes we can turn small and petty issues into big fights. However, if there is a pattern in it, it is a red flag and needs to be addressed before it becomes fatal for your relationship.
First of all, it is important that you and your partner identify the root cause of such things. It can be due to inadequate communication, a lack of understanding and empathy, blame-shifting, or refusal to seek common ground. If this is the case, you should have an open conversation with active listening. Outside help, like counseling or couple therapy, may also be sought.
Loss of Intimacy and Connection: When the Spark Fades Away
A relationship is an organic entity that grows gradually with time. A relationship has its own life cycle in which it starts, grows, blooms like a youthful person, and at last fades like a decaying life. This is the stage where the spark in your relationship fades away. If you have lost intimacy and connection in your relationship, the time has come to reignite the spark in your relationship.
Losing spark and intimacy is common, and you don’t need to worry about it. However, it is important that you, along with your partner, discuss it and address it. One of the best ways is to revisit the places where your relationship started. Another effective way is to participate in adventurous activities together. Racing the hearts together can bring back the excitement, thankfully due to the adrenaline rush. Surprising your partner with a secret date and pairing your hobbies with your partner’s hobbies are also helpful.
Conclusion: Learning from Failed Relationships to Build Stronger Connections
“Relationships end, but they don’t end your life. But people do often spending more time finding out about failed relationships than finding successful ones.”- Steve Martin
Relationships are complex and organic entities. Like life, every relationship has its own ups and downs. When we do not give up on life, why should we give up on relationships? During tough phases, we need to identify the causes and make sincere efforts to address them. But it does not mean that we need to stay in a relationship, even if it has become toxic. We need to understand that relationships can never be toxic, and if they are, it is best to move on.
We must also understand that one failed relationship does not make us a failed individual. It is necessary that we learn from the past and approach new connections with an open heart and a new approach. Always remember that a failed relationship can help us build a stronger and more fulfilling relationship.