I often wonder if humans are naturally polygamous or monogamous, but science has not definitively declared one way or the other. For decades, we have been following the traditional model of monogamy. However, during the same period, some tribes and religions followed non-monogamous arrangements. For example, Men can have up to four wives at a time according to Islamic jurisprudence.
Recently, as societal norms shift, polyamorous relationships are becoming more common. However, we often mix polyamory with polygamy. While both involve multiple partners, they are distinct in their principles, practices, and cultural contexts.
In this blog, let’s delve into the differences and nuances between polygamy and polyamory, and explore the various kinds of polyamorous relationships that people engage in today.
Table of Contents
Polyamory versus Polygamy
Polyamory and polygamy are both alternative forms of non-monogamous relationships. While they share some similarities, it is important to understand their distinct differences. Polyamory refers to the practice of having multiple romantic and/or sexual relationships simultaneously, with the knowledge and consent of all parties involved.
On the other hand, Polygamy is a marital or relationship arrangement where an individual has multiple spouses simultaneously. This practice has deep historical and cultural roots and is still prevalent in some societies around the world. There are several forms of polygamy, with the most common being:
- Polygyny: In this form of polygamy, a man is allowed to marry multiple wives simultaneously. It is more prevalent than other forms of polygamy and has been practiced in various cultures, like some Islamic societies.
- Polyandry: In polyandry, a woman has multiple husbands concurrently. While less common than polygyny, it has been practiced in certain cultures, such Jaunsari tribes, a small community found in northern India, practice polyandry.
- Polygynandry (Group Marriage): Some polygamous arrangements involve multiple individuals forming a group marriage where all members are considered equal spouses. These can be complex and often require strong communication and commitment among all members.
Let’s Talk Polyamory
We know that love is not a finite resource, and that we can experience deep connections with multiple people simultaneously. Polyamory is one such arrangement which allows us to explore new possibilities for seeking diverse and fulfilling relationships
Polyamory, often shortened to “poly,” is part of a broader movement known as ethical non-monogamy, which challenges the societal norms surrounding relationships and monogamy. However, consent, communication, and respect for all parties involved are prerequisites for polyamory. By embracing polyamory and ethical non-monogamy, individuals are able to create relationships that align with their personal values and desires, rather than conforming to societal expectations.
Challenges of polyamorous relationships
There is no doubt that polyamory allows us to explore diverse and fulfilling relationships. But, it comes with some challenges which may be hard to face for any relationship. Some of them are jealousy among partners, miscommunication, societal misconceptions and stigmatization, and sometimes lack of time and energy required to satisfy all the partners.
Challenges like societal misconceptions and stigmatization are difficult to face and requires immense courage strength and support from all the partners involved. But I feel that if we agree to have a polyamorous relationship, we are aware and mentally prepare to face such challenges.
But challenges are jealousy and lack of time and energy are some challenges for which we are not prepared at the starting of a Poly. Therefore, such challenges are tricky to deal with. We have to acknowledge and address jealousy in a healthy and constructive manner. Open and honest communication is key in navigating jealousy, as it allows all partners involved to express their emotions, share their needs, and work towards finding resolutions. Building a strong foundation of trust and actively practicing empathy and understanding can help foster a supportive and loving environment within polyamorous relationships.
We must also understand that for a successful polyamorous relationship establishing boundaries is vital for all partners involved. This means openly discussing what is and isn’t comfortable, defining personal limits, and understanding the emotional and physical needs within each relationship.
Boundaries may encompass various aspects, such as time management, sexual health practices, emotional availability, or even sharing information about new partners. Respecting each other’s boundaries allows for a positive and secure environment where everyone can feel seen, heard, and valued.
Exploring the different types of polyamorous relationships
Let us now discuss some most common polyamorous relationship types that we can have.
1. Hierarchical Polyamory
Hierarchical polyamory is characterized by a clear structure that categorizes partners into primary, secondary, and sometimes tertiary roles. The primary partner typically holds the most significant role in the individual’s life, often involving shared finances, long-term commitments, and cohabitation. Secondary and tertiary partners may have less involvement or commitment.
Communication and transparency are vital in hierarchical polyamory. Individuals must be honest about their expectations, roles, and the level of commitment they can provide to each partner. Primary partners often have a say in decisions that may affect the primary relationship.
Example: Sarah and Mark have been married for a decade and consider each other their primary partners. They live together, share finances, and prioritize their marriage. They both have secondary partners with whom they share emotional connections and intimacy, but the primary relationship remains central.
2. Relationship Anarchy
Relationship anarchy rejects hierarchical structures and labels in favour of individual autonomy and freedom. There are no predefined roles, and each connection is allowed to develop organically based on the needs and desires of those involved. It emphasizes the uniqueness of each relationship.
Autonomy, consent, and open communication are key principles of relationship anarchy. There is a focus on dismantling societal expectations and allowing relationships to flourish without external constraints or judgments.
Example: Alex has various partners, and each connection is allowed to evolve naturally without predefined expectations. Alex values the freedom to explore different types of relationships without conforming to traditional norms.
3. Solo Polyamory
Solo polyamory prioritizes individual autonomy and independence. People who practice solo polyamory maintain separate lives from their partners, including finances, housing, and personal growth. Relationships are typically non-hierarchical, and there is a strong emphasis on personal boundaries.
Solo polyamorists prioritize their own needs and personal growth, often seeking to avoid codependency. They engage in multiple relationships while retaining their own space and independence.
Example: Jasmine is a solo polyamorist who values her independence above all else. She has several partners, but none of them take precedence over her desire for personal freedom. She enjoys the diversity of her connections while ensuring her autonomy remains intact.
4. Kitchen Table Polyamory
The term “kitchen table polyamory” refers to the idea that you and your partners get along so well that you can all sit around a kitchen table and talk comfortably. In this type of relationship dynamic all partners are comfortable with and often interact with each other. This approach promotes open communication, transparency, and a sense of community among all individuals involved.
Example:
Sarah, John, and Emily are all romantically involved with each other and frequently gather for meals and activities together. Their shared connection and open communication make their relationship thrive.
5. Parallel Polyamory
Parallel polyamory allows you to maintain separate, distinct relationships with minimal overlap or interaction between partners. This approach provides autonomy and independence, with less emphasis on shared experiences.
Parallel polyamory values personal space and independence. While partners may be aware of each other’s existence, they typically do not engage in extensive communication or shared activities.
Example: Ethan and Mia practice parallel polyamory. They have separate sets of partners with little overlap in their social circles. While they support each other’s polyamorous lifestyle, they prefer to keep their relationships compartmentalized.
6. Polyfidelity
Polyfidelity, often referred to as a “closed” or “exclusive” polyamorous relationship, involves a group of individuals who commit to each other exclusively. Unlike open polyamory, where partners may have relationships outside the group, polyfidelity restricts romantic or sexual involvement to those within the committed circle.
Example:
Lisa, Mike, and Rachel are in a polyfidelitous relationship. They have chosen to be exclusive to each other and are committed to maintaining their connection without bringing in additional partners.
7. Swinging
Swinging is a type of consensual non-monogamy where couples or individuals engage in sexual activities with others outside their primary partnership. Unlike some forms of polyamory, swinging tends to prioritize sexual experiences over emotional connections.
Example:
Holly and Dave are a swinging couple who enjoy attending swinger parties and engaging in sexual activities with other couples. They maintain a strong emotional bond with each other while exploring their sexual desires with others.
8. Vee
Vee polyamory, also known as a “Vee” relationship, is a specific configuration within the broader realm of polyamorous relationships. In a Vee polyamorous setup, three individuals are involved, with one person at the center of the arrangement, often referred to as the “hinge” or “pivot.” This individual is romantically or sexually involved with two other people, but those two secondary partners typically do not have a romantic or sexual relationship with each other. The relationship structure resembles the letter “V,” with the hinge person at the center and the two arms representing the secondary partners.
Example:
Sarah is the hinge partner, and she is involved with two other individuals, Alex and Taylor. Sarah has separate romantic and sexual relationships with both Alex and Taylor, but Alex and Taylor do not have a romantic relationship with each other.
9. Throuple
A throuple, short for “three-person couple,” is a specific type of polyamorous relationship involving three individuals who all have romantic and/or sexual relationships with each other. Unlike a Vee configuration where one person is at the center and has two separate relationships with two others who are not romantically involved with each other, a throuple involves all three individuals being romantically connected.
Example: Sarah, Alex, and Taylor are in a committed throuple. They have established a strong sense of trust, communication, and emotional support within their throuple.
Exploring Polyamory: Resources for Further Delving
As you delve deeper into the world of polyamory, it’s important to engage with valuable resources and communities that can guide you on your journey. Here are a few recommendations:
- Books: “The Ethical Slut” by Janet W. Hardy and Dossie Easton, “More Than Two” by Franklin Veaux and Eve Rickert, and “Opening Up” by Tristan Taormino.
- Online Communities: Join online forums or social media groups that facilitate discussions, provide advice, and connect you with experienced individuals who can share their insights.
- Therapist: Seek out therapists specializing in non-monogamy and relationship dynamics to help navigate any challenges or concerns that may arise.
Conclusion
We all know that Love can be limitless and cannot be kept within boundaries. However, societal and religious norms have forced us to limit our love for one individual. But is it possible that in one life time we do not love more than one or two persons. I guess no. Life is a long journey where we meet different type of persons at different stages of life. Therefore, it is normal for us to love many persons at different stages of our life.
Polyamory offers a unique and fulfilling approach to relationships, allowing us to explore love and connection in a way that goes beyond traditional monogamy. By understanding the various types of polyamorous relationships and their advantages, we can challenge societal norms and create relationships that are more authentic and aligned with our personal values. While polyamory may come with its own set of challenges, with open communication, empathy, and a commitment to personal growth, it is possible to navigate these complexities and foster loving and sustainable relationships.
