Unmasking the Midlife Crisis in Men: Symptoms, Causes, and How to Tackle It Head-On

According to the Oxford Dictionary, a midlife crisis means “a loss of self-confidence and feeling of anxiety or disappointment that can occur in early middle age.” So, if you are a man of age between 40 and 60, and feeling dissatisfied in life, there is a possibility that you are facing a mid-life crisis. When you start to feel emotional and inner turmoil about your life choices, along with a powerful desire for change, you are probably going through a mid-life crisis.

‘ The term ‘MidLife crisis’ was introduced by the psychoanalyst and social scientist Elliott Jaques in 1965. Jaques argued that those men and women who have not attained stability in marriage and occupation are ill-prepared to meet the demands of mid-life. They are more prone to display clichéd features of a midlife crisis such as disillusionment with life; dissatisfaction with their career; desperation to postpone mental and physical decline; dispassionateness towards family and relationships; and engaging in extra-marital affairs with much younger and more physically active partners.

The compulsive attempts, in many men and women reaching middle age, to remain young, the hypochondriacal concern over health and appearance, the emergence of sexual promiscuity in order to prove youth and potency, the hollowness and lack of genuine enjoyment of life, and the frequency of religious concern, are familiar patterns. They are attempts at a race against time.

Elliott Jaques

The concept of the midlife crisis is familiar to many, yet its true nature remains elusive. Often depicted in popular media as a period of reckless and illogical conduct, the midlife crisis is a multifaceted phenomenon that requires deeper examination. Let’s try to explore the realm of the male midlife crisis, shedding light on its indicators, manifestations, and effective strategies to confront it directly.

Understanding the signs of a midlife crisis in men

If you are a man who is approaching 40, it is important to be aware of signs of a midlife crisis, as they can be subtle and easily overlooked. If you are spending too much time in front of the mirror, talking too much about your young days, or kicking up the vanity a notch, you may have a problem.

A midlife crisis is often characterized by various indicators, such as an obsession with getting older and mortality, heightened attention to personal appearance, or an unexpected fascination with novel hobbies or activities. Additional signs may comprise an abrupt longing for transformation, like leaving a secure job or terminating a long-standing relationship.

It is crucial to acknowledge that not all men will encounter identical manifestations, and the severity of these signs can differ from one person to another. However, some common signs of a male midlife crisis are as follows:

1. Feeling restless or bored. For years, you had been liking your work, family, and everything about your life. But you are now feeling restlessness or boredom. This may be a sign that you are going through a midlife crisis. This can be due to the feeling that many dreams of your life have not been fulfilled and you think that they will remain unfulfilled. You can also be restless due to a lack of career goals as you may have accomplished many of them. Whatever the reason, you want to shake up your daily routine which may include anything from quitting your job to bringing a revolution in society. You may start imagining how your life could have turned out if you had chosen a different career or if you had ended up with a different life partner.
2. Seeking an extra-marital affair (or already having it). You always had been a loyal and loving partner in your relationships. But you are now feeling an urge to have an extra-marital affair, especially with a much younger woman. It probably means that you are facing a midlife crisis. You may start flirting with a junior and younger colleague at work or even looking for some paid dates with younger women or by sugaring. By having an extra-marital affair you want to believe that you are still young and attractive.
3. Feeling deeply sad. When you are in your late thirties or early forties you might start feeling sad about so many things in life. If this is happening to you, you are in a midlife crisis. You may start thinking about the missed opportunities in relationships and careers. You may start regretting things you had or hadn’t done in your life. All these patterns are of a midlife crisis. In such cases, you develop a tendency to overlook good things in the present.
4. Feeling Nostalgic. During a midlife crisis, you may also start remembering your past days, especially youth days. You may even start missing your first love, even if it ended very badly. Instead of concentrating on the current positives, you might find yourself reminiscing about your past athleticism or the vastness of your social circle during college.
5. Changed sexual behavior. One of the main symptoms of a midlife crisis is changed sexual behavior. When you are struggling with a midlife crisis, you feel a sudden change in your sexual behavior. Usually, there is a decreased interest in sex, especially with your current partner. But in some cases, you may also experience a sudden spike in sexual desire.
6. Changes in ambition. Another sign of a midlife crisis is your desire to live life to the fullest. You may start thinking about quitting your job, even though you have a mortgage to pay, and following your fantasies, like having a lavishing vacation on some luxury cruise. Or you may want to set up a big business even if you don’t have capital for that. You may also feel that you should move into a new and lavishing villa from your existing apartment. You may be trying to rectify what you currently view as “regrettable choices made in the past.”
7. Urge to make dramatic changes in appearance. During midlife, you feel a powerful urge to look different from what you have been for years. If you are now spending hours in front of the mirror and/or buying new clothes, now and then, you are dealing with a midlife crisis.
8. Irritability. When you start experiencing a sense of being trapped or hindered by previous choices and unexpected episodes of anger, it is a sign of a midlife crisis. Even a minor transgression by your partner, aging parents, or closest companions may irritate and provoke you. This stage in life is a midlife crisis.
9. Displaying the classic signs of depression. Usually, depression and midlife crisis are not related to each other. But in some cases, a midlife crisis can cause depression or vice-versa. If you are showing the classic signs of depression like excessive sleeping, loss of appetite or excess eating, or malaise, it may be possible that you are also going through a midlife crisis.
10. Inclination towards spirituality. In some rare cases of a midlife crisis, you may feel inclined towards spirituality. During a midlife crisis, you may feel distracted from worldly things and want to follow spirituality. You feel like going to religious places and in some extreme cases you may even want to live like a saint in isolation.

Common Stages of a Midlife Crisis in men

Midlife crisis in man has various stages. However, not all men go through each stage in the same order. The first stage is often a sense of restlessness and dissatisfaction with your current life situation. This is followed by a period of reflection and self-evaluation, where you assess your achievements and goals. After this, you have a feeling of disappointment and regret, as well as a desire for change.

The next stage may involve impulsive behavior, such as making major life decisions without careful consideration. However, in the last stage, these feelings can fade into acceptance with time and the right support.

Factors contributing to a midlife crisis in men

Factors that can cause midlife crisis can be broadly categorized into two factors. viz. external factors and internal factors. Let’s discuss them in brief.

1. External Factors. External factors that can cause a midlife crisis include change in family dynamics, sudden loss of a close one, and job-related issues. At the age of early forties, your family may go through a transition, like moving out of children for education or jobs, or you may have been going through some relationship issues. These factors may cause a midlife crisis. Similarly, the sudden death of a close one, like of father or mother, can also make you emotionally volatile and cause a midlife crisis. Job-related issues like stagnation in your work profile, no change in a work routine, non-promotion, or working at the same place for many years, can also trigger a midlife crisis.
2. Internal Factors. The midlife crisis is not solely a result of external factors but is also influenced by internal psychological factors. One such factor is the fear of aging and mortality. As you reach middle age, you may become more aware of your mortality and the limited time you have left to achieve your goals. This can lead to feelings of anxiety and a sense of urgency to make significant changes in their lives. Another psychological factor is the desire for self-actualization. You may feel a need to reassess your life and pursue new goals or passions to feel fulfilled.

Impact of a midlife crisis in men on relationships and work

A midlife crisis can have a significant impact on relationships and work. In relationships, the sudden desire for change and the need for self-discovery can lead to conflicts and strain. If you are going through a midlife crisis, you may question the stability of your current relationship and seek excitement or validation elsewhere. This can result in infidelity or the breakdown of the relationship altogether. At work, the midlife crisis can manifest as a lack of motivation or a desire to change careers entirely. You may feel unfulfilled or trapped in your current job, leading to a decline in performance or a general dissatisfaction with work life.

How to tackle a midlife crisis head-on

As you grow older, change becomes unavoidable, and it is crucial to accept this reality to discover contentment during middle adulthood. Developing an adaptable mindset towards life will assist in adapting to these changes and tackling midlife crisis head-on. Some of the steps that you may follow to cope with a midlife crisis are as follows.

1. Self-Care. Midlife brings changes to your body, sleeping habits, and food adaptability. Instead of feeling discouraged by these changes, try to accept them. You may not be able to eat freely, as you used to eat a few years back, due to certain age-related health conditions like High Blood pressure. But instead of feeling sad about this, you need to dedicate a little extra time to developing and maintaining healthy habits. You may start working out, with realistic exercise goals, to keep yourself healthy and in good shape. However, never compare your present abilities with your past abilities. Similarly, with age, you need to sleep more than you used to when you were young. So accept this and try to get sufficient sleep. Such small changes can help you accept the reality of aging.
2. Identify and accept circumstances that are beyond your control. If you are in midlife, it is important to accept circumstances that are beyond your control. For instance, you have to accept that your children have now grown up and are becoming more independent. You have to understand that these things are not in your control and it certainly does not mean that you are losing control of things.
3. Keep a clear and defined objective. In your midlife, you may have reached a stage where you don’t have any purpose left in life. At this stage, you must redefine your objectives and develop some new purposes. You may develop a new hobby or explore other career options. You may also start pursuing some old and neglected hobbies.
4. Change the perception of aging and midlife. If you keep focusing on the negatives, you can never cope with the mid-life crisis. Instead of thinking about the missed opportunities, look at your accomplishments. Always remember that you have made many wise decisions over the years and successfully faced many challenges. Take a moment to think about the proactive steps you have taken, rather than dwelling on any regrets you may have.
5. Seek outside support. If you are going through a midlife crisis, talk to your support group. Talk to your family, especially your partner, and close and trusted friends. If feels necessary, you may also consider seeking professional help. Therapy or counseling can provide a safe and supportive environment to explore and process emotions, gain insight into patterns of behavior, and develop coping strategies.

Conclusion

Midlife crisis has never been taken seriously by the society. In fact, it is a funny thing for some of us, like our film fraternity who usually present this issue as a comical subject. However, the midlife crisis is a complex and multifaceted phenomenon. It is important to recognize the signs and symptoms to provide support and understanding to those going through this challenging phase of life.

By understanding the common stages and the psychological factors contributing to a midlife crisis, you can better navigate this period of self-reflection and change. With the right coping strategies, professional help, and support from loved ones, it is possible to overcome a midlife crisis and emerge stronger and more fulfilled on the other side. Remember, this is a natural part of life’s journey, and it is never too late to make positive changes and pursue happiness and fulfillment.

Note- A woman also can go through a midlife crisis. However, being a man, I am not in a situation to describe it properly. This is why this blog is limited to the midlife crisis in men.